i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
