Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We are two peas in an std pod
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
