i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
