I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
where are you?
Hypothermia
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
