She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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