Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
