I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize