; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
