i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
