Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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