Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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