Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
