I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
