my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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