Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
