Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How many fucks given?
0.12846
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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