Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
