woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
