Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
