Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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