There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
