You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
