Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
