Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
