now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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