so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
