If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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