she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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