So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
