I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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