I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
