We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
