there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
