I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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