my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
