cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
