I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
