i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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