This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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