Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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