just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
