i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
