somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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