If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
