dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
