My nipple is on Facebook.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
