alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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