I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
