I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
