i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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