Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
