Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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