I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
