In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
