Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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