tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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