Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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