So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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