I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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