A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
