Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i think i just lost a toe
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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