Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
