Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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