This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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