i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
