I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
