Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
