She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
