dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
