just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize