wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
