I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
