My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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