Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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